What does the future hold?

So Nic went to the doctors today to get his results of his sperm count. I didn’t go with.  So sitting at home, I was very anxious. I spent all morning praying that the tests would come back with good news. Sitting there my heart was beating what felt like a million beats per minute. Playing out all different scenarios in my head was the worst. I got to the point where I started to feel sick to my stomach. I know I can’t let myself get worked up like this, but it is really hard not to. Those test results could be holding my future. A simple yes or no response could make the hugest impact of my life. How am I not suppose to get worked up about it?

So I couldn’t image what was going through Nic’s mind as he was sitting in the doctor’s office.  God knows what goes through mine. I know that every time we have gone into the doctor’s office lately I have been saying a prayer and then I conclude it with “whatever happens is in God’s hands.” It seems to give me some piece of mind by saying that.

So While Nic was at the office, I sent him a text saying that I can’t handle this suspense and that it was making me sick to my stomach. I asked him to just send me a text saying yes or no when he finds out and then we can talk when he gets home. So there I was just sitting and waiting…and waiting…and waiting.

Then the text came in. I did not want to open it fearing that my life could forever change. But I did. And there I sat with tears rolling down my face. Happy tears. Yes there was still a chance for us. Nic came home and explained what the doctor said. He has a lower count, but I thank God that that was the results. We can work with a low count vs. nothing at all. Again, I had to thank God for giving me this hope.  So now our next move is to call my doctor and puts our results together to see what he has to say. In the mean time, I feel like I can breathe a little more...